Hi everyone,
I posted here not long after my amazing mum passed on 15th April. I cannot believe it has been a month. I cannot believe I have made it through a month in this world without her! I cannot believe what has gone on, it still doesn't feel real to me, it feels like I have stepped into an alternative reality (hence the name of the thread). Some days, for some of the day now, I can feel ok'ish. On other days it feels like I don't know which way is up.
This thread is mainly just for my therapy, to get stuff out and try and find a way through all of this. I hope that's ok? I have an odd sense of humour sometimes but I never mean to offend. I am also a spiritual person so this thread will contain some of my beliefs and experiences. I regularly attend spiritualist church and mediumship/psychic demonstrations and have done for years. I do not expect everyone to share my beliefs nor do I wish to push my beliefs upon anyone else. I just believe we should all respect each other. I apologise in advance if anything I put here offends anyone, that is not my intention.
I am an only child. Married for 19 yrs. 6 kids (21,18,13,7,4,10months), 1 granddaughter (14months). We homeschool our 3 schoolage children and our oldest lives with her partner and daughter. My dad is 85 and quite frail.
I have been a carer for my mum for 10yrs, employed as her carer officially for 4yrs. Mum had a fall in 2006 where she broke the top of her leg in 4 places. They operated, failed to fix it properly and she was left wheelchair dependant even indoors. She could only transfer seat to seat, not walk. Mum had various problems after the op and ended up back in into HDU with septicaemia from MRSA in the wound from the op on her leg. We were told then that we were going to lose her. She somehow pulled through and came to stay with me as it was too much for my dad as he was just recovering from a cancer. I nursed her back to health and apart from the wheelchair we got on with life and she returned home to my dad. They moved to a bungalow adapted for the wheelchair and were happy.
About 6yrs ago mum started getting bad chest infections that were a nightmare to shift. She was diagnosed with COPD. These chest problems saw her hospitalised many times. On 3 more separate occasions we were taken into a little room and sat down to be told we were going to lose her, every time she managed to pull through.
We had an awful year last year that saw mum lose both her brothers within 8 weeks of each other and her sister-in-law just 4months later on my sons 18th birthday.
She coped really well though and we enjoyed Christmas together as a family, as mum had been in hospital for xmas 2014. After Christmas she began getting a chest infection, we thought it had gone but then it came back. This went on for a few weeks. Antibiotics, steroids then different antibiotics. Eventually in March mum was sent for a chest x-ray. The dr wasn't happy so ordered a CT scan. This was done at the end of March. All the while on different antibiotics/steroids. It would seem like it was going then it was back. We went to see the consultant on 4th April. He said that although they couldn't rule out cancer it could also have been the infection causing this mass they could see. they wouldn't risk a biopsy so set for another scan on 16th May to look for any change. I asked "what about now? what about antibiotics? whats happening?" He said they didn't know for sure there was still any infection! Mentioned fluid on the lungs and empashemia. I am sure something changed that day with her. She was sure it was cancer, like her brothers. In the days that followed she was starting to write lists about who she wanted to have what when she passed. We stopped her finishing this, saying she was going to be fine. I honestly thought we had more time. On Monday 11th I went to work as normal but she wasn't having a good day. I did the usual housework/dinner, the nurse came to see her. She didn't want the dr out, she didn't want to go into hospital. She hated hospitals! In the evening I got a call to say she was unwell from her neighbour who was with her and she called an ambulance. My husband went down and followed the ambulance to the hospital and stayed with mum, as did her friend, until about 2am. Mum told them to come home. I went to see her the next day just before 12noon. She seemed to be feeling a little better. I stayed till the evening and came home. On Wednesday morning I got an upset call from my mum saying the hospital wanted to talk to me and dad. I took dad in and we were reassured by the staff that everything was fine and that mum got upset over a DNR discussion, that it was just standard. She didn't seem too bad, she was on IV antibiotics, they took some fluid from between the lung and ribs or something.
Children are awake so I will continue when I get a chance!
