Hi vertigo. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
Counselling is something which appears very difficult to access especially at the time you think you need it most. The general consensus among counselling services is that they don't do any before three months after he bereavement and even after that there are long waiting times. I was quoted a 6 month wait for NHS counselling and I have another month to wait before I am eligible fog counselling from a local bereavement service.
CRUSE is not available in my area and when I tried their national counselling helpline they were always busy and took two days to get back to me. Not really what I needed when I was at my lowest.
While I wait I find I get some comfort from offloading a bit on here and a lot of comfort talking to the Samaritans. Just voicing my thoughts to an anonymous person at the other end of the phone seems to help me to make some sense of things. In the early days I phoned them every day, sometimes more than once, but now they contact me weekly though they are always available. Perhaps you could give them a try.
Wishing you strength.