Mike I have been meaning to respond to your other posts but I got bogged down on my I pad and in fact did reply but it all went pear shaped and I gave up.
I am on my laptop now and find the keypad much easier to use so here I am again trying to reach out to you.
Losing your wife is obviously distressing, and along with your health problems you will feel totally out of your " comfort zone". This adds to your health problems as you feel totally unable to deal with any of them.
During my husbands 8 year illness I began to suffer health problems, and after he died they increased. I too never wanted to leave the house, it was the only place I felt safe. I had mild panic attacks when I was outside and only went anywhere by taxi door to door.
This has diminished. but it is 2 years since my husband died, and although I am much older than you my brain has decided I can no longer live in my cocoon.
I am not sure how long ago your wife died, but it sounds as though it is fairly recently, in which case you should not feel you are trapped in this downward spiral for ever.
I never believed in the phrase time is a great healer, but in practice I have found it to be true. It is not that you " heal" it is rather that you learn to live without the physical presence of the people you loved. I do this by still talking to them even out loud, when I am in the house. I sit with a photograph and just chat. I let my husband help me make decisions by asking myself what he would have done or said in a situation I find myself in. This helps me.
I am also lucky as I have a friend who lost her husband 6 weeks after I lost Gordon and she wants to keep her husband " alive" as well, so we often talk about them. They knew each other too, not very well, but did have chats from time to time after church on a Sunday evening.
My husband was not the father of my children but they were supportive, during his illness and after he died, but I rarely talk about Gordon to them.
Take comfort Mike, you have lived through the worst day of your life, the rest may not be easy, but the pain and desolation are never really as severe as the first day or two.
Love Jeannette
