Contacted Cruse today

[Joann]

I have spoken to Cruse today as recommended by my GP. I had a 'breakdown' at work on 11th of April and left my job. My GP offered me antidepressants but I did not wish to take them  so contacted Cruse in order to address my grief. My days are being spent desperately trying to fill my days with being busy or sat around as I do not wish to even get dressed. Every time I think about my Mum it is seeing her on the floor with the Paramedics trying to restart her heart and I feel angry that I didnt know she was going to go unconscious within seconds of the Paramedics putting her in a chair to take her to Hospital. I know it doesnt make sense but I still wish I had known so I could say everything I would ever wish to say to her. I was the one that called 111 because Mum had Heart failure and I was concerned about her as her face had swollen. I try to tell myself I did the right thing as myself and my 2 sisters were with her on that morning and we would have hated for her to be on her own when she lost consciousness or to find her gone.  I know my sisters have told me that I did the right thing in calling 111 but I wonder sometimes if they are just saying it to make me feel better.
Just wondering if anyone has any experience of working with Cruse and if it helped.

[sue smith]

I think counselling is a very personal thing - a bit like grief really,  we all react differently.  I sincerely hope it helps you.  But I would like to say this,  please don't worry that you didn't say all you wanted to -  your Mum knew exactly how you felt about her and your actions when she was alive and well were as important as anything you could have done during her last hours.  She would have know you loved her and that would have been enough for her.  Your many years you had together were what was important. x

[Hubby]

I think we all wish we could have had that final conversation joann. I know I do.

I have spoken to CRUSE counsellors on their helpline once and it did help me to clear my head for a short time but that is not the same thing as a full course of counselling. I am currently awaiting counselling but they don't start it before three months.

I hope it does help you to stop thinking about the final moments and concentrate on all the good times you had with your lovely mum.

 

[Karena]

I had counselling through my gp not cruse but as Sue says it is a personal thing,we are all different and so are the counsellors.I was lucky with mine,but after the second session of me sitting crying and feeling worse I thought it was not going to be any use,but I persisted and it was worth it.

Ii also felt guilty about calling the ambulance when my husband wanted to go home so I am repeating what some one here said at the time.Imagine how guilty you would feel if you hadn't because you would always wonder whether there might have been a different outcome if you had.She was right,All we can ever do is what seems right at the time none of us knows what's going to happen.
Your mum would know all those things you want to say,and that you did what was best out of love for her,because if it had been the other way round that is exactly what she would have done for you.

[Joann]

Thank you everyone, it helps and means a lot.

[Finch]

Hi Joann,

I have been having one to one Cruse counselling for a few months now, and I have found it to be a helpful way of processing my grief and working through feelings of darkness, hopelessness, guilt and regret.

My counselor comes to my house once a week and we talk for about an hour.

From my own experience I would recommend it, but of course everyone is different. Maybe you could give one session a try and see how it goes.