dad's first birthday without mum

[phoenixrising]

I really need some advice. My mum passed away 4weeks ago on Friday and Thursday is my dad's 85th birthday. I don't know what to do. I don't want to ignore it obviously but I don't want to go down the "have a great birthday" route with knowing it Will feel like hell for him that day. My kids are 4,7,13,18,21 and 10 months. The older ones understand but the littles normally love to do things for Nanny and grandad on birthdays and Christmas. Making cards and little gifts. My birthday is coming up at the end of the month and I know I want to forget it completely, although I can't because of the kids. Any advice? Thanks

[Norma]

All you can do hun is treat it like any other day, let your children do what they always do for granddads birthday,  try not to set the day apart, you could ask him if there is anything or anywhere he would like to go on that day, but whatever you do you need to talk to your dad about previous birthdays spent with mum xxx

 

[longedge]

It was my birthday (first since Chris died) a couple of weeks ago and my family asked me what I wanted to do. They were all at work, a Friday, but the next day everyone came round to me and I bought Chinese Takeaway for everyone which we all enjoyed. We did what I wanted and it was fine. I've got used to the quiet life now and after 2 or 3 hours with all the family round me I'm ready for some peace and quiet again.

How about asking your Dad how he would like to spend the day?

[phoenixrising]

Thanks for the replies. I took my 7yr old with me today to do dads dinner and cleaning. Seemed to really put a smile on his face. It was lovely. Talked to him about his birthday and he hadn't realised the date. He said he is happy for us all to go down in the morning as I have a hospital app with my oldest tomorrow afternoon. Hubby is going to go and spend some time with dad tomorrow evening too.

[longedge]

That sounds good.

My youngest grandson is 11 soon and he is a real bright light in my day several times a week - gives me a huge hug every time I see him in fact all 3 of my grandsons do they are brilliant and I'm very proud of them.

[Emz2014]

 I think kids can be good to have around when grieving (although understand when a parent that's particularly hard as it's a full time job!).  My young nephew always brought some light when he was around, and the energy in them you can't help but focus outwardly on them. Which takes us away from our internal pain a bit.  I guess it also reminds us of the things we still have in our lives too which we love xx

[phoenixrising]

Thank you all. We did as arranged and dad seemed happy to be around the kids which was lovely as they are all missing mum and not seen so much of dad lately. I spent some time just sat on the sofa cuddled up next to dad which was nice. I was always a daddy's girl when I was little, lol. Hubby went down to watch a film with dad this evening but they couldn't fix the DVD player up for some reason ( mum always did those things) so ended up watching a film on TV. A bad war film which they took the mickey out of and had a few laughs at. All in all it didn't seem too bad a day.
Hope everyone here has had a bareable day 

[longedge]

That's good - sometimes things work out a lot better than you think they will (thank goodness)