Sitting here crying for the first time pretty much. 4 1/2 years ago I lost my husband and best friend in a car accident. We had been together for 30 yrs. Meeting at the tender age of just 14 , I was 44 when Phil died, he was 46 yrs old. Far too young for him to die or me to be left a widow. I have 3 children left at home. My youngest is 11 yrs old, he was 7 at the time of the accident. I feel I have done everything wrong. ... I jumped into relationship after relationship to try to make things normal. All of them toxic. I have been out of all relationships now for 6 months after realising the harm they were doing ....and now I comfort or stress eat instead. Outwardly I am coping, inwardly I am a mess, lurching from one problem to another. I am piling on weight and can't seem to stop. For so long I haven't cried fearing that if I started I wouldn't stop and it would scare the kids. I have no family support but do have good friends. As I write this the tears are pouring down my face. I feel that it is only just surfacing and I have a long way to go.