lost my best friend

[sovague]

Hi everyone, my best friend went into intensive care on Christmas day and died in the early hours of December 26th. I watched them try to shock his heart back to life. I have never felt grief like this. I never understood what loneliness was. I'm on antidepressants now and have lost a lot of weight. I know everyone here is experiencing grief but i really dont think i will ever be the same again. People keep inviting me to stay with them or go out with them but i just want to br with him. I want to be at home incase he comes back.

[Emz2014]

It will take time,  it will get easier to cope. The early days are so painful and raw,  be gentle with yourself,  you need time. There's no rushing grief xx

[Hubby]

Hi sovague. Welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear about you losing your best friend. It can only have been made worse for you by the timing and you witnessing the attempts to save his life. You say you don't think things will ever be the same again and that is true, grief changes us, but you will work your way through the grieving process at your own pace.

Wishing you strength on your journey.

[sovague]

Thankyou both so much for such lovely messages. It is nice to know some people understand. It was very traumatic and i think something has changed in me forever.

[Norma]

 

[Emz2014]

I do think bereavement changes you, I'm certainly not the person I was before I lost my dad.  I guess we're always changing and growing in life, never staying the same, but a big loss shakes us to our foundations

It's a hard journey, it will feel like a rollercoaster,  just when you think you've got the hang of it another emotion will slap you in the face, but you can do it and it does get easier to cope xx

[sovague]

It is very roller coaster like, good description. I have lost friends and family before but never ever felt like this. I think a lot of it was shock as well and the horror of seeing and hearing him fight for his life. The nurse said he waited until i got back to him and that really upsets me because i wish i hadnt gone back up there and he might not have died. The good old " what ifs ?" plaguing me.

[Pauline Mc]

Hi Sovague

I lost my partner 2 years ago this week.  He collapsed in front of me and I understand what you are going through with witnessing the trauma of it all.  I also lost 2 stone in weight but glad to say it has gradually gone back on now.  Just take small steps at a time but please look after yourself.

This site is a great place to say exactly how you are feeling where others may not know how to handle it. 

Sending hugs xx

[Emz2014]

Bereavement certainly brings lots of what ifs and should have's, but in time we have to not blame ourselves for these things, we're not to blame and did our best xx

[sovague]

Thanks again for the kind words everyone.

[Soleil]

Hi,

I agree with you and that grief can change us. I often wonder if it doesn't impact our brains as well as our heart and change the chemistry - maybe shock and trauma do it. Grief is such a slow healing process, we move forward, only to move back again. This apparently is how is works, only the good Lord knows why.  Stay in touch here and you will get support.   

[sovague]

Thankyou. I think i am doing ok but the loneliness is unbearable at times. You know when it hits you again that they are not coming back. I feel so lost.