Hello.
I lost my dad a year ago to pancreatic cancer. It was two days before his 66th birthday. Before this I've never lost anyone I truly loved and was close to.
At first I thought I was going through the bereavement process fairly normally - not that the grief lessened, but it was longer and longer periods of time inbetween each "hit".
However, since dad passed away I realised I have become obsessed with death. I am terrified of it - mainly my own but also that of the other people close to me (mum, sister, brother, nephew). I think about it all the time and am constantly watching programmes and reading articles about the type of people who live the longest so I can get tips. I lie awake at night convinced every twinge of pain means I have cancer (which I'm aware, being 31, is not likely).
I don't know whether this is a normal thing following the death of a loved one, or whether my grief has become something else. I am also aware that the way my dad died was very traumatic for me. He was at home for most of it and me and my mum were the main caregivers. We sat with him and washed him and changed his nappy and we were the ones there when he actually died - a horrible event that I think about nearly every day - it wasn't at all how the films portray it, let me tell you.
I suppose my question is: is this obsession and terror something that everyone gets following the death of a loved one, or is this something I should perhaps see a therapist about? Basically, will it pass on its own or do I need help?
It's a horrible situation. I can't enjoy any given moment because all I can think is of how pointless it is and how little time (relatively) I have left.
Any insight would be hugely appreciated.