Lost without my beautiful wife

[Matt James]

Hi All,

This is my first post and I'm not sure what I should expect to get from being here. It's not what I would ever have imagined doing, but here I am, a widower at 54. I'd also like to begin by offering my sincere condolences to all on this site. If we can share the pain, maybe we can reduce it a little.

My wife died on 5th September 2022 after a brain haemorrhage. She was 55, rarely had headaches, fit, barely a grey hair and not a single wrinkle. She was my world for 22 years and fate dealt the cruelest blow to me and my 2 teenage daughters, who were her best friends.

Coming to terms with this is just so hard and I miss her every minute of the day. I'm trying to be strong and compartmentalise work and the awful cold admin that's needed now, but I get so many triggers that take me back to the depths of despair every time.

I'm sure it's a common theme, but, waking up in the morning is like Groundhog Day, but a horror movie. Mornings are just a hideous cycle of triggers and tears and more recently, anger.

We have had the most incredible amount of support though, from family, friends, colleagues and associates. Without this I would have not been able to cope.

Things are still very raw, and I know it's going to be a long road to recovery, so, thanks in advance for any support provided here.

Matt

[Dave Administrator]

Hello Matt and welcome to this group.

First may I say how your post touched me reading it in as far as placing myself in your now very sad situation of loosing your beloved wife. So I truly felt your pain of being robbed of many more years together as she was so very young still.

Unfortunately this group is no longer as active as it used to be owing to a shutdown for over a month we couldn't suss why or how to fix it, so sadly members thought we had closed the forum and drifted away.

So may I suggest you please join our very active Facebook BUK support group where I promise you will get lots of support from the many very caring members we are blessed with there.

In the mean time may I wish you great strength and courage at this most sad and difficult time in your life Matt.

Dave.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1566851883557388

[Sandra61]

Hello Matt,

So very sorry to hear of the loss of your wife, especially at such a young age. There is little that can make this any easier for you, but time does help even if you have to make an effort to let it. I found it helped me to have flowers in the house to remind me that there are still good things in the world and sitting in the park to think and try to understand and accept what had happened helped me feel calmer and made it easier to think about.

Sadly there is no easy way through the journey loss sets you on. All you can do is get through one day at a time, even one hour or minute at a time when it is so soon after your loss sometimes. Be kind to yourself and remember to eat and drink enough. I know I didn't feel like eating or drinking after a loss and would lose track of time in thought. Your memories of the time you had with your lovely lady will never leave you and remember she would want you to go on enjoying your own life and would want the best for you, so, if it helps, perhpas you can start thinking of that as something you can still do for her, in her memory and as a tribute to her and make that your purpose for getting up every day.

I don't think you ever go back to being who you were before a loss, but you do gradually come to accept it and learn to live with the new person it makes of you. Just a day at a time for now will be enough.

Sending you a hug and wishing you well.