Hello Eileen, my husband suffered from renal failure and was on dialysis for 34 years, almost a record. We dialysed at home for 29 years so it was a way of life. When he died I went to nothing - nothing to do, no work to do, no husband to care for. It's very hard to cope when you have been a carer for so long, then your life was so full and now so empty. It does get better if you give it time, I lost my husband nearly 6 years ago so I can tell you that you will find better days. x