Feeling very lonely

[Leigh]

It feels like everyone has already moved on. I may be wrong, but that's how it appears to me. Even my husband had forgotten it was a week today since my Mum's funeral! I've had a very emotional day. I lit candles and played the music from the funeral whilst looking at photos of her. I'm an only child, so I suppose no one feels exactly the same as me, but I thought maybe an aunt or cousin (even friend) might have sent a text at least. I've written a poem.

Whilst arranging the funeral
The phone rang every day.
There were sympathy cards and texts
Support in every way.

Then the day after the funeral
There were a couple of calls and a text.
People returned to their daily lives
I was worried they'd soon forget.

Now, one week after the funeral
I'm still living in disbelief.
No one has phoned or text in 6 days
It now seems I'm alone with my grief.

I realise people have jobs etc and have to carry on with their lives, just a nod in my direction now it's exactly a week would've been comforting. It's after the funeral, when all that was left to do has been done that you need some support!

[Emz2014]

It is unfortunately familiar, everyone gets absorbed back into their own lives.  The people who kept asking me how I was and specifically checking if i really was ok were people who had experienced loss themselves
Another example was when my boyfriend lost his mum and my friend said 'oh thats a shame, were they close?'  I would say a 'shame' would be losing a brolly!! Until things have happened to her she hasnt really comprehended how it has felt.
People dont mean it, if they havent had a loss themselves they often seem to think everything will be ok after the funeral  xx

[Leigh]

Totally agree Emz2014. In the future when I know of someone bereaved I will definitely send texts (if not call) for a good while after the funeral, just to ask how they're doing. X

[Dave Administrator]

It's always the same thing with everyone getting less and less contact after a bereavement just when they need it the most.

People will never change being uncomfortable talking to you, for fear you might break down or they might say the wrong thing and generally feel awkward being around you maybe not knowing what to say, which is a crying shame.

This is where BUK comes into it's own, making new friends who understand how your feeling and after a time of getting to know and trust one another, swop phone numbers to have a good old heart to heart chat or even a meet up for a coffee if your sort of near each other. 

[sovague]

How sad, I'm really sorry to hear that. I think people just feel awkward and don't know what to say but i always take time out to text and say " hope you are ok, let me know if you need anything."

[Norma]

 

[Leigh]

I've started anti depressants as I was finding it hard to deal with the grief and look after my 2 yr old and 3 month old. I feel a little better, but it still hits me at times and I find it hard to believe I won't ever see Mum again. We just have to keep going! X

[Emz2014]

No harm in having a little help, sometimes we just need that little bit of support to help us    remember to be kind to yourself, grief is tiring, and two little ones take a lot of energy too. xx

[Pauline Mc]

Lovely poem, sending hugs to you Leigh.  Unfortunately people often feel uncomfortable talking about our lost loved ones and move on quickly with their own lives. 

Keep posting here as we all understand that it takes small steps at a time to start to move forward.

xxx