Hi, I'm near 10months since I lost my lovely partner, the hurt, the anger, confusion, helplessness, numbness and everything in between are all experiences we unfortunately experience after loss of a loved one however as often mentioned we do manage our own grief differently albeit similarly. Try to be sure and find comfort within your saddened times, music, photos, memories. All these emotions and nobody understands or so it may seem.
Talk, explain and allow others to share your grief when you want to, friends will listen and try to comfort you as best they can and if they understand a little better of how you are feeling they may be able to change their approach to one that supports you better and help you find a balance where memories bring as much joy as they do sadness.
You're world has been turned upside down, no one can possibly know how you feel, even ourselves to be fair. We understand and we can offer empathy as well as supportive guidance BUT we don't know how you feel, we are not you and you are not me though together we can stand strong no matter how much we're falling apart.