something similar happened to a friend of mine - she was with her partner for 22 years but he hadnt divorced his wife as she had been so obstructive and was an alcaholic and potentially drug dependant - they had two daughters and my friend had children too including a daughter who he had always been dad too -
The wife and daughters were round the house the same morning an hour or two after he died demanding all the paperwork even for their vehicles and caravan - she always knew they would get the house but they took everything else as well and they arranged the funeral in a catholic church - he wasnt religious - and the order of service had a photo of them on the front from when they were small like my friend had never existed - the song choices were pathetic. the minister had never met him which then made his eulogy very fake because he didnt acknowledge that.
They arranged a wake in a dive of a pub and with the drink around it was always going to end up being awful for her facing them - so for mutual friends we just went to a local pub he liked had a meal and a drink with her and her children and grandchildren.
This was almost 3 years ago it was absolutely devastating of course but she is beginning to find peace now.She no longer sees her stepdaughters that was their choice she didnt push them out they chose to stay out of her life but is ok with that now.
Kharma has a way of dealing with things sometimes - The house it turned was stucturally a disaster waiting to happen they couldnt live in it rent it out or sell it for a decent price but it went to a builder for next to nothing.
They had to take posession of the vehicles to sell them and move them off the property to do so - but with no-where to move them too parked them roadside but then got caught with no tax or insurance on them - and we found the caravan on e-bay and bought it back for her on a friends account so they had no idea it was going back to her until they saw her with it .
We used to joke with her that he was wreaking revenge on her behalf from wherever he now is.
We met through our campervan meets some which she had organised and were in a field near their house and sadly had already lost 3 members from those meets including my husband and we had already started planting a wildlife hedge in their memory so another tree went in and we all said our own words about what he meant too us and that has more meaning for her than the funeral ever did so maybe that is something you could think about in the future - o something that is about him and you and will have much more meaning for your daughter and friends too.
My whole point in writing this is that she couldnt think why the girls had reacted like this they had always got on well she had never done anything to hurt the girls and had taken the youngest in at one point when her mums drinking got too much - but sometimes minds are poisened and people behave in cruel and irrational ways -She was in no way to blame for what they did and accepts that now - their mother was alive and they chose her side - but the overwhelming thing through all this was that through the worst times of their reactions my friend has always held on to the most important thing -whatever else has been lost they cant ever take away her memorys and they cant ever take away the love they had shared and the love she still has for him and as mutual friends of both of them we are around to share those smiles and sometimes tears too.
The girls will miss out on that - they sold what they took so it had no meaning for them and their dad would have been shocked and really upset that they behaved that way his intention was only that they would get the house he wouldn't have imagined they would take everything like that and sadly for them i dont see how that cant be a taint on their memorys of him because if they knew him at all they know that about him - and that is why she has left the door open so if they can see later what is really precious in life they can be part of that if they choose.