Sundays

[Spaicer]

Feeling so sad & low today, Sunday's are so hard. Everything goes on in our family as it always did, I suppose it's because I was/am the organiser of everything, so although the kids miss their dad nothing's really changed, everything's running the same.
I'm lucky I suppose as I didn't have any problem sorting out all the paperwork, organising the funeral, I had no help as I have no family here but it's what I've always done, letters addressed to Terry don't upset me it's just something else to deal with.
But I miss him so much, I feel so empty, I just want to sit & hold his hand & hear his laugh. It's so lonely, my parents are long gone and now Terry has gone it feels like there's no one on my side, of course my kids love me but I'm the carer (which is how it should be) I just wish there was someone looking out for me.  That sounds selfish, missing being someone's number one, I suppose

[Leigh]

So sorry for your loss. I don't think it's selfish at all, needing some comfort yourself. You've been through a lot, with no practical support. Grief is such a lonely thing. I've only just found this website, and am so pleased I did. I'm sure you will get a lot of support here. It sounds like you're doing a good job dealing with the practicalities, I admire you. We all need some tlc at some point. Sending you a big hug.     xx

[longedge]

Terry has gone it feels like there's no one on my side

I know just how you feel. You were there for each other and now it's just you - if you're like me then it feels almost like being half a person. We just have to manage one way or another don't we 

[Hubby]

So sorry to hear you've had a bad day. 

I can so identify with your statement about missing being someone's number one. 

[Karena]

I still feel that now sometimes , not just being number 1 to some one in the "loved up" sense either but when that care includes the everyday, having some-one to sound off, run a decision by even when you have already decided,chose what to have for tea, light the fire,check the smoke alarm batterys, lock the door, all the little things that we kind of take for granted until they are gone. little things i am capable of doing and now do, but its having too that hurts. 

[Spaicer]

Well I was hoping that today being Monday would be better, with work to distract me but I had to go and help out in a different department, accounts.  I picked up some paperwork to reconcile, it happened to be the payment from the undertakers, the first name on the list was my husband..... That was hard, but what upset me was the words next to it, date of death.  It really got to me I managed to blink back tears & gave it to someone else to do.  It couldn't be helped & was no ones fault and of course I know the date he died! But it just seemed so clinical.
Tomorrows got to be better

[longedge]

"But it just seemed so clinical."- I know what you mean, I had a letter from one of our investments acknowledging Chris' death. They (whoever they might be) can't do right for doing wrong can they, I think the truth is that no matter how things are said there are times when it's all brought home to you and it's that that really hurts

[Hubby]

What a terrible shock that paperwork must have been. It sounds like you coped with it much better than I think I could have done. 

Hopefully you will have a better tomorrow.

[Emz2014]

  xx