My husband died suddenly on 12th September after a heart attack. He was very fit, the only medical problem he had was sleep apnoea for which he had a CPAP machine to use at night. The afternoon before he was taken into hospital we were walking in a local park, he took no medication and he just had his yearly blood tests which were all within range.
It took paramedics 45 mins to get his heart started, in hospital they did various tests and found he had one completely blocked artery and 3 nearly blocked. He was taken to ICU for 3 days, and every time they tried to take him off sedation he fitted, and an EEG showed no brain activity. The following day they turned the machines off. He did want to be an organ donor, and there are two people out there with a new kidney.
My counsellor suggested this forum, I have had two sessions so far, at the moment I can’t see where it is going, but I will carry on. The doctor put me on sleeping tablets (which I have now managed to wean myself off) tranquillisers and now anti-depressants. I wasn’t keen, but somewhat desperate, and I have been getting depressed enough over Covid, and now the lockdown has made things so much worse. I was always out doing various classes and member of a number of groups such as WI, art and Historical Society, and there has been nothing on since April. I need people to talk to but can’t do that now, and get fed up being on the phone or zoom.
The counsellor keeps telling me it is early days, and I’m being too hard on myself. If I don’t keep busy I’m thinking about my husband. I’m constantly exhausted, shaking, my brain feels as though it's full of mush and can't concentrate, and panic coming back into the house now.
I haven't had a day in the last 8 weeks when I haven't cried, and i'm not normally a crying person.
The only good thing to come out of 2020, it was our 50th wedding anniversary in March, and we went to Costa Rica and a couple of Caribbean islands, arriving back in the UK 2 days before the lockdown, the last week being somewhat fraught as things were closing down behind us. Holidays were our thing, and were planning more.