My Dad passed away

[jillmld]

Hi there
I'm new to the forum and have no idea if posts by here will help or not.

My Dad passed away quite suddenly 3 weeks ago. At the end of Feb Mum and Dad told us that he had terminal cancer with 18 months to live. My Dad was a very strong and positive man so we expected him to last at least a year. 3 weeks later he died. He had had his first chemo sessio, seemed to be doing ok, then was admitted to hospital after severe diarrhoea. After a few days they said he'd be home by the end of the week. He only lasted another 2 days. He had a blood clot on his bowel so in the end it was organ failure.

It all happened so fast. I can't believe he's gone. I feel like everything else in my life is trivial and pointless, I feel that life will never be the same without him.
He lived in NIreland and I live in England so it wasn't like I saw him loads,  but I can't believe the pain and heartache I'm feeling. My family (hubby and 3 kids) and I had all planned to be over there for the school Easter holidays anyway, but Dad died the night before we went. We went as planned and had the funeral whilst over there. I had been over in Jan , Feb and March as I was worried about him, so I did see him recently, but I feel devastated the hat he died just to soon for me to see him again and say goodbye. I know that's a bit irrational and wouldn't really have made a difference. Or maybe it would. Maybe seeing him more poorly would have made I have asked to accept?   I am just so distraught and in so much pain and overwhelming sadness. Mum and Dad would have been married 50 years last week and I went over to see my Mum. She is coping remarkably well but is lonely and as well as feeling devastated by my Dad dying I also feel so sad for Mum and am so worried for her. I just want to cry all the time and hide from the world. I'm headachy and feel sick. I am already a depression suffererer on long term medication. I don't know how to tell what's normal grief and what's depression. I know time will help but I just feel bereft.
I don't work and have lots of friends who are letting me talk, I just don't feel much like talking. Just feel numb.
Sorry for the long ramble,
Jill

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug
3 weeks isn't long, there are so many emotions during grief, it's really painful and naturally we want to find a fix. It's great you have friends who are being supportive. I understand sometimes this doesn't help us open up. I found after a while I wasn't able to open up to friends (and some friends after some time has passed don't realise what you are going through if they have never lost anyone and seem a bit confused when we're struggling, especially if the last time we saw them we had a good day or wore a convincing mask)
Everyone here has lost loved ones, keep talking with us, it might help xx

[Joann]

So sorry Jill for the circumstances that have brought you here. Please keep posting, you will get support and understanding. Sending you lots of 

[Leigh]

Hi Jill

So sorry for your loss. Your poor Dad (and Mum). Try not to be too hard on yourself, you made regular visits in recent months. It is hard when you have regrets. I think most bereaved people have them. Even when you have friends and a husband/kids you can feel totally alone in your grief. I do. I lost my Mum 17th March. Her funeral was Tuesday. Like you, I can't stop crying. I think we just have to keep crying for as long as we need. Sending you big hugs.       X

[Dave Administrator]

Hello Jill and welcome.

So sorry such a sad loss has brought you here and we all share your pain reading your very moving first post.

You said you were not sure if using a forum like this will help you, well I can promise you that one of the most successful ways to heal from a bereavement is writing all your pent up anger, guilt, sadness and all the other horrible emotions bereavement brings to us all.

So please keep posting Jill to people who totally understand just what you are going through and will be here for you every step of your sad journey.

[Hubby]

Hi Jill. So sorry to hear of your sad loss 

[longedge]

My condolences to you and your family Jill. I know from my own past experience how hard it is to be 'overseas' at a time like this. Thank goodness that phone calls are now so easy, when my Mum needed help after the death of my Grandad and then Auntie it was in the days before a phone in the home was normal. We had to go to the local kiosk and a couple of minutes cost a fortune. Your Mum will need a lot of kindness and I hope that giving her that support will in turn keep you going.

[Soleil]

Hi Jill,

So sorry for the loss of your dad. Life is so unpredictable. This is a good place to be at this time, caring people who are going through some of the same things.