Hello Rosie,
So sorry to hear of your double loss. Sending you a welcome hug.
You describe very well what such shock feels like. Your reactions are very typical to someone who has just lost loved ones. Life does feel as if it has no purpose anymore and you are just going through the motions after one loss, never mind two, so in fact, to be managing to get through the days, even on auto-pilot, is an achievement. I think losing anyone you have shared your home with does leave you feeling particularly lonely, because they leave such a void behind them and the house feels so empty without them.
I found it helped me to go out for walks in the park. Just to get out of the house is helpful and at the park, you are surrounded by nature and that lifts the spirits a little. I found it a good place to sit and process all that had happened and to try to gradually come to terms with it. It is a calming environment and lots of the benches have inscriptions on them to loved ones others have lost and it helped me to know that those people were still loved and not forgotten by those left behind. it also means that there are so many of us in the same position and who will understand what you are going through and you will find many of those people here and on the Facebook page. I also kept flowers around the house, because they reminded me that there are still good things in the world and their scent and beauty helped me.
It is a long road to find your way forward from such terrible blows, but find it you do, as time passes. You can still talk to your husband even though he is not physically present anymore. I still talk to the pictures of those people I have lost and can hear what they would have said if they were still here in my mind. So you never really lose them. They were a big part of your life and you carry them forward with you in your heart and in your memories, so they are a part of you now, so can never truly be gone from you. You never stop loving them nor they you. It takes a long time, but grief does slowly become acceptance and slowly you learn to live with what has happened. I don't think you can ever leave behind those you have loved, but instead you carry them forward with you and rebuild your life with that loss a part of it. It does get better and it helps if you can find things to help you with that. I joined a class to give me something to look forward to and to get me out of the house once a week and I made new friends there and that was a big help to me. That is harder in the present circumstances, but you are at least, not alone here. Everyone here has lost someone and will have advice to offer to help you through.
One day at a time, Rosie and try to find little things that help. Talk to us as much as you like. We are here for as long as you need us.