the thing is there isnt a cure and really do we want to be cured - sure we do of the heartache and the loneliness of loss, and there are pills that can numb us help us get through day to day and some people find they help but whatever we use to medicate once we stop using it the pain is still there to be dealt with, and i think over time we go from everything being about the pain of what we have lost to remembering much more the joy of what we once had someone who has loved us so much and given there living years to do that would not want to be remembered just for the pain of those last days of that life - and that's the focus we have to change too, but it is far from easy and its very gradual and sometimes years later something can sideswipe you and knock you off again but by then you know you can get back on track because you have already done it so many times before..
People expect for some reason a year is some kind of cut off date for our grief - in part because of a traditional idea completely devolved from reality. - the official year of mourning which in reality was nothing more than a Victorian concept designed around convenience - a year was consider respectable but also as a young widow that was the time at which you might become available for re-marriage - and of course (especially if you had inherited a large estate) that was the expectation women were not considered able to live independently of a man - and you could either re marry or be an asset (estate) or a burden to your nearest male relative.The problem is because society has this unreal idea then we also expect it of ourselves - we have done all the first anniversary's and got through them - and if we dont "get better" then there is something wrong with us - its nonesens but we tell ourselves a lot of nonsense about what we perceive as our failings and put even more pressure on ourselves.
Often a good day is followed by a bad evening - sometimes this is guilt - you end up thinking how can you have a good day and some enjoyment out of life -even that it was disloyal to do it.
Others is just because you come back to the empty house they are not here to share to tell them about that good day and then settle down with a glass of wine or tv or whatever you enjoyed doing together in the evenings - so you walk through the door and it whacks you in the face that nothing has changed from when you left the house this morning they are still absent - i used to get that a lot - i could go away camping with friends and have a great time then come home and get really down again for a couple of days - its like the post holiday thing people get but on speed.
Also for me friday nights - everyone ready to leave work on the dot, get home be with their family start the weekend - "what are your plans for the weekend" ? - most of the time there wernt any so i was never part of that conversation either - i went from being among the first to leave to having some-one shouting up the stairs to hurry up so they could lock up - then i would walk slowly - every shop window along the way was suddenly amazingly interesting because i knew when i got through the door i might not speak to another person until monday There was always the dog and he helped - having that commitment to another living creature helped it wasnt fair of me to be too much later while he was waiting to go out. After he died as well I started making friday night treat night - nothing major just something simple - bath with candles and oils, chocolates a film anything to make going home something to dread a little bit less - you can find strategys different ones work for different people and doing that is part of this path we dont want to be on but cant get off that smoothes the way a little bit and for you that made more difficult by being in a kind of limbo over moving back as well.
It is a battle and along the way there are a lot of dragons to slay - some of them though can be avoided - you can go round them and make the battle more strategic than bloody - a bit less of a conflict - finding the strategys to do that is a long process but you will find them and come to a place where you have learned to live more happily with the half of you that is left.