Hello Dibsy,
I am so sorry for your loss. It reminds me of how I lost my mum. I am a bit further along this journey than you. I lost her in October 2017, but in similar circumstances. I had stayed with her for four nights and only taken short breaks to rest during the day. It was shortly after I had come home on that last morning that I got a call from the hospital to go back because they didn't think she would last much longer, but she had gone before I could even leave the house. I don't know either if anyone was there. I hope one of the nurses was. It was the hardest day of my life.
You ask if it gets better. I think it does, but it's more a case of learning to live with it than it getting better as such. You have good days and bad days, but I don't think it began to be more a case of more good days than bad ones for me until at least 18 months after I lost her. The other thing I believe is that it doesn't get any better unless you put in some considerable effort to help it to get better. I found various things that helped me and I still turn to them when I need to. In the early days, I found it helped to put together an album of photos of my mum that I can turn to when I need to. It also helped to have flowers around to lift my spirits a little and remind me that there are still good things in the world. It helped quite a lot to take walks in the park and sit there to try to come to terms with all that had happened and it helped to take up a new activity that got me out of the house once a week and made me think about something else for a while.
It sounds to me as if you are dwelling on those final days of your partner's life, but what you have to remember is that those days only made up a brief part of their life and you need to look past those to the person your partner was throughout the majority of the time you had together. Prior to lockdown, I would have told you to try revisiting the places you went together to remind you of the better times you spent together. That helped me, but with the current situation, why not start a memory book instead, where you write down recollections of the person you have lost, their smile, their character traits, what made them laugh, any memorable times you spent together, what they liked to eat and do. It should help remind you of who they were, not just what they suffered at the end.
Lastly, I would say, stop blaming yourself for not having been there. I am told that often someone chooses to leave when their loved ones are not present; perhaps because they could not bear to part from us if we were there. I know you feel angry at the hospital for the way your partner was treated. We too complained at the treatment of my mother, but like you, got no change out of those who were supposed to be looking after her during what I now think of as that hospital horror. All we can be grateful for is that they are no longer suffering and are free now.
As for those of us who are left behind, it's our job now to do for ourselves, what they would have wanted for us, in honour of the love they had for us and love we will always have for them. You gradually have to find a way forward, but that doesn't mean you leave them behind. Their memory lives on in our hearts and minds and will be with us for the rest of our lives, so they will never really leave us. So you move forward, but you carry them with you and you make the most of the life you have, because if they were still here, they would want that for you and this is something you can do for them.
It is a long hard journey and no, it doesn't get better by itself. You have to work at it, but it does get easier to bear, if you work at that. Just go on taking it a day at a time and find the things that help you most and turn to those when you need to. Love goes on. The pain of loss is the proof of that.
In regard to his family, block their calls and let the solicitors deal with them. If there is a will, there should be nothing they can do to overturn his wishes. If not, you may have to rely on your solicitor to do what may be needed, but either way, things are just things in the end. They cannot take your memories or the time or love you shared together. Hold on to that and look after you. He would want the best for you, so it's up to you to make your future the best it can be, as he would have wanted for you now. One day at a time, Dibsy.