Floored by a letter!!

[Joann]

So I received my post this morning checking all the letters that were for me and not for my son. I opened one addressed to me to be confronted by a Natwest statement snd I thought 'I dont get paper statements from Natwest'. At the bottom of the page I see it was my Mum's statement as it stated the 'Late' and her name. I just burst into tears right there and then. All correspondence I have dealt with regarding Mum have been addressed to the estate of etc and I feel this prepares you for whats inside a little. I feel annoyed with Natwest that this was addressed to myself and I had no idea what it contained was in relation to my Mum. I feel like complaining to them but not sure if I am just being too sensitive and they will just disregard the upset they have caused. BTW, I absolutely hate when they use the term 'late', why cant they just write estate of???

[Hubby]

That must have been such a shock to you. 

I try to leave all letters addressed to Margaret for my daughters to sort through so I only have to look at the ones that need immediate attention. Junk mail really annoys me but I would be absolutely distraught to find a letter addressed to me and which I didn't expect to upset me had contents for my 'late' wife.

[Joann]

Thanks hubby, my Mum's name is Margaret also. Am seriously thinking about making a complaint to Natwest.

[Hubby]

I think statements are sent out by computers nowadays but they certainly need to be told how upsetting this can be. Maybe it will stop them doing it to people in future if you let them know.

[Joann]

Thanks hubby, have actually sent a complaint email so hopefully that will be looked into further.

[longedge]

I try to look past words, because sometimes they are correctly used but nevertheless hurtful. I ask myself, does this person care. For myself I think I can say honestly that I've always been a caring person but I know I've inadvertently said things that have hurt.

I'm not  belittling the hurt you feel Joann - it's just a thought that I hope might help 

[Joann]

Thanks Longedge, I think. I have not been hurt by any words just upset that the letter wasnt addressed to the estate of and I was unprepared for what was in the envelope as I thought it wad for me.

[longedge]

Who knows what gets to us - I am mystified sometimes by my own reactions (and sorry afterwards for those that copped it from me  ). Since Chris died, I've been aware that there's an awful lot of loving and caring people out there who just don't know how to help, in fact the time that I've spent on here has made me aware of just how inadequate I am at helping others although I so want to 

[Norma]

At the moment Longedge its your time for receiving support, but you are already supporting others without realising it,  because so many will relate to the things you are writing, and make them see  they arent alone in there thoughts xxx

 

[Karena]

Longedge i have been here almost five years and sometimes i am stuck for words too - but remebering when i first came here often just a  and knowing that some-one does empathise is enough.
Joann i wont bore you with the details but my stepson threatened to take the ashes to my husbands bank as proof he was dead. Banks in particular seem to be very insensative. I agree the late seems unnecessary But i wonder too if they adressed us as the trustee of the estate of  --- would it feel as though our identitiy is no longer as a daughter/wife  but an accounts clerk -

[Dave Administrator]

Thanks hubby, have actually sent a complaint email so hopefully that will be looked into further.

Well done you, saves bottling it all up and making you feel worse,,,,please tell us how you get on, very bad practice on their behalf computer or not.

[Joann]

Karena, a very good point. I think because I received all other correspondence addressed as estate of I could steel myself a little but your point is excellent.
Dave, the reason I feel strongly about making a complaint is that my Mums account is on hold and I have made numerous phone calls to their bereavement service to try to resolve/close this so I guess I felt they should have been more sensitive as they are aware of what I am going through trying to close this. Will wait and see their feedback and let you know.

[Norma]

Have a (((hug))) to help you through Joann xxx

[Joann]

 :hug:Thanks hon, here is one for you!

[Joann]

Just an update on my complaint. Have had several telephone calls with Natwest who have assured me the the addressing on any future statements will be addressed as I have requested. Not sure if this applies only to myself but I have been assured that the feedback will be passed onto the bereavement dept who will try to be more understanding of this issue.