Hi Vinny - i found this place after losing my husband but i had also lost both my parents before that - with my mum the sudden realisation that i was now the senior in the familly was a massive hit - because even when we are adults and have famillys of our own and make our own decisions somehow your parents are still the seniors - still ultimately the ones who will stand by you whatever -and now thats your role - the foundations that you rested on - you parents have slid from under you and your left clinging on but you also have a new role to fill.Losing my husband later retriggered that because for the first time she wasnt there to support me.
I think with time you come to understand that the foundations didnt leave when they did - you will always miss them but you will always know their wisdom - you are a parent as well and i am a grandparent and as such i think we will continue for our whole lives to build on those foundations they created but make sure they are strong enough to survive after we too have gone.
Its in your heart and your head - you know what they would have said if you asked them for advice you still know that - you know how they would have felt about something you did - you still know that - you might not agree of course but that doesnt matter so much as knowing does and the foundations havnt gone or crumbled they have shifted and finding the new relationship you have with that, as well as of course missing their physical presence is a journey we have to travel -and its a bumpy road.
I think with your dad being estranged though there is another dynamic - i was lucky i met my dad twice before he died and had a couple of very vague childhood memorys, but even so the grief is not so much missing what you shared, but missing what you should have - missing the future you could have built -knowing they wont ever meet your children or come round for christmas dinner - and logically we are not suposed too miss something we didnt have, and those around us perhaps understand that even less when we do.