So sorry Als80. I know that feeling well as I lost both my parents to Cancer too, though not this close to one another.
I lost my mum to ovarian cancer in 2013 after a 3 year fight. It took me 5 years to get to terms with it as I blamed the world and God for he death as she lead a healthy life, did no harm, etc.
I lost my father to prostate cancer three weeks ago and I am torn between guilt, sadness and anger, but, also feel confused as I now feel an orphan, which is odd as I am 53!
Anyway, you are not alone here Als80. I am sure we can support one another on this painful journey to recovery
hugs kiddo