Hi George,
Born lazy? I don't believe that! No one is born lazy, you just get bogged down by life sometimes and find some things make life seem like wading through treacle. I think loss is one of those things. It does semi-paralyse you so that you don't know what to do to help yourself.
It sounds like your family BBQ went exactly as I would have expected it to do. You had a good time with your family, but at the same time, it reminded you of the absence of your wife and of the days when you had a little one too. That sounds perfectly natural to me, I went to Aylesford Priory the Sunday before last. We used to make annual pilgrimages there when my mum and dad were alive and I missed going, so decided I would go on my own. I was so glad I did. It was sad because I could see images of my mum and dad in my minds eye everywhere I went there and was reminded of all the lovely days out we had spent together there, but at the same time I was so happy to be back and so relieved to be able to go back. I loved seeing all the changes to the place, as well as seeing all the familiar spots as well again. They have made a beautiful new peace garden there. It was so beautiful and built a new tea room and shop and put a new little rose garden near those. I was so pleased to see them. The old magic of the place has not disappeared either and I immediately felt the old reassuring peace of the place walking around there. It was good to know it can still work its magic on me after all these years and all the water that's passed under the bridge over the years.
I think it is natural to feel as you did at your family BBQ, but you need to do things that give you a sense of your own life continuing too. I have a dance to go to tonight and I know I will be thinking how much my mum would have enjoyed it if she could have been there too, but at the same time, I will have a great time and a lot of fun. You can be happy and sad in different ways at the same time, but at least you are still living and doing things that are good for you and making your own life enjoyable. You can't sit at home and grieve and think all the time. It isn't good for you and although you will spend some time doing that, you have to go out and look for things that still make your own life good as well. As my dance teacher says, there are shortcuts to happiness and dancing is one of them, and he is right! It releases endorphins that make you feel good. Why not give it a try, George? The other good thing about it is that quite a few of the people who go are people who have been bereaved and looking for something to improve their lot after a loss. It does seem to help and you can chat to new people and make new friends. It all helps move you forward and shows you life can still contain good things as well as the sadness you already feel. You need to create a balance between the two I think.
As you say, George, you have to keep on keeping on and find things that help you to do that. Born lazy? Nonsense! Just get out and try something! Philomena, that's one good Judi Dench film, how about The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. That one holds some good lessons too!