New user

[Spaicer]

Hi, I lost my wonderful husband 3 months ago, it was expected. We had been together 30 years. I have 3 adult children at home 2 of which are Autistic. We live on a small island & my family live a long way away. We've been on this island for 5 years & I have to work full time to support us.  All my spare time is taken up caring for my children (& my late husband)so haven't made friends here (socialising difficult with Autistic adult children!). Missing my husband so badly, not physically lonely but feeling so alone 😢
Hoping to find some friends here

[Spaicer]

Not quite sure how this works but I think I might have to post 3 times to start?

[Spaicer]

& here's number 3

[Hubby]

 I am fairly new to grieving and can't really help with advice but I can say I am really sorry to hear of your loss and offer you and your family my thoughts.

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug spaicer  xx

[Norma]

Welcome to our group, its a very inderstang and caring so sure you will find support to get you through xxx

 

[Spaicer]

Thanks for the reply. Feeling so exhausted, had to go back to work 5 days after Terry's funeral and have to keep everything going at home, thought I was doing okish but suddenly spending a lot of time crying & feeling so empty. Difficult keeping it from kids (it frightens them if they see me upset)
Hopefully tomorrow will be better   

[Norma]

Spacier we all seem to find the strength to get us through our days and not show our true feelings for the sake of others, but yeah when we get our alone time thats when we let our emotions take over xxx

 

[Emz2014]

I think sometimes we go into 'fighter' mode, we find the energy to go back to work, keep the house running, look after others etc but sometimes we forget the space we need to heal. It's also such a rollercoaster,  just when we think we're doing everything we should, we find our energy reserves low.
Grief is not a straight journey, so be gentle with yourself. You're doing really well, remember some TLC for yourself xx

[Fifebloke]

Think that's pretty harsh of your employers having you back to work after only 5 days spaicer. Wouldn't dream of telling anyone what to do but if it were me I'd be at my gp getting a sick line. No one can properly grieve in just 5 days.
My heart goes out to yourself and your family. The people on here are really lovely and will be a great source of comfort to you.

[Joann]

Sending welcome 

[Spaicer]

Thing is I work for my GP, they let me have a month off before he died to nurse him at home through his last days. He was uncconcious for a whole week before he slipped away. So I suppose they treated me fairly.  It's a twenty doctor practice and when I returned only 3 said sorry for my loss & asked me how I was 😥 They see grief every day I suppose. That did upset me tho.
Managing to get through today, the dog escaped so that distracted me for an hour or so, chasing him!
Reading this through I sound so sad, it's been 13 weeks but the void just seems to get bigger, I know it's early days.  Weekends are hard. Thanks for listening.

[Emz2014]

I think sometimes the void gets bigger for a while, perhaps it's our brains 'releasing' our grief in stages as it feels we can cope, so once we've got the hang of it, it gives us some more.

Remember all the things you've achieved and allow yourself to go a bit slower for a while. Maybe leave the housework for a bit, get nibbles out and just chuck on a film as a family. Rest for a bit xxx

[Karena]

Welcome Spacier.You have so much to deal with on top of the grief it isn't surprising at all that from time to time you will crash,Expected or not I think there is still always an element of shock when we lose someone,because even though we know and have been told there is always a part of us that wants to believe it was a mistake or there will be a miracle.I,m sure you will find friends here,a few of us have managed to meet in the real world but even without that I do feel we are friends,perhaps closer than our real world friends can be,because we are all here due to bereavement so understand .Sometimes we need support,other times a rant and other times just someone to share the every day stuff with.

[Spaicer]

It's nice to actually be able to say what I'm feeling instead of pretending I'm fine when people ask.
I've hardly cried today but this past week I've been in floods.  My husband & I were opposites he was everyone's friend & such a large character whereas I'm quiet & can appear shy but we were such a team and I feel so empty.
We had 30 happy years, no rocky patches, 3 lovely children.  I'm 50 so I could have 30 years without him, that thought is unbearable, I don't know how I'm going to do that.  I've lost both my parents so I've known grief before but this time is so different.
Being on here makes you realise other people are going through the same thing or maybe even worse, yet when you're out and about you think no one else can possibly be feeling as bad you, everyone seems to be a happy little unit.
Thank you for all the kind words and the welcome