Sending you a welcome hug, Lucy.
so sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my own dad when I was in my twenties also, thirty-four years ago. Even so many years on, I still recall everything about those last few months and the night we lost him. I think the memories of those last times stay with you, but in time, the good memories do come to the fore more than the difficult ones.
It is hard to be so far away from your family, but I do think it will be good for you to get home and see them again. Although it can distract you to be back in your usual routine and to have to think about other things, you do need to find time to allow yourself to begin to adjust to the loss of your dad also, and I suspect it is the prospect of having that time at home without work to distract you that is making you uneasy about the thought of going home. I do think it will help you though. It will allow you to see how everyone else is coping so will hopefully ease any worries you may have on that front. It will also give you a chance to help if the rest of the family is having trouble with this.
I do recall that in my twenties I found it hard to talk about the loss of my father. I remember my mum needed to talk about him, so I don't think I was much help to her at the time. If you feel uneasy about going home for the same reason, there are some things that might help. I found it helps to revisit some of the places where you have good memories of the person you lost and not having work to worry about allows you time to think and start to process all that has happened, which is something you do need to do. You might also all want to try to put together an album of favourite photos of him and perhaps start a memory book or jar. Some people like to be able to have a jar with scraps of paper with memories of events they recall having enjoyed with their lost loved one or character traits that will make you smile when you think back on them. It all helps bring back the good times and make them clearer in your mind than the memories that are more difficult.
I wouldn't worry about returning home. I think you will find it comforting and reassuring to be around to be able to help and see how the rest of your family are coping. It may help to use the opportunity of being back with your family to do anything that may still need to be done. Sorting out all the practical matters that have to be dealt with can be daunting and take a long time. Also you will have a chance to do something together to remember your dad.
Holidays fly by and I suspect you will be feeling apprehensive about having to leave when it is time to go back to work again, even though you appear apprehensive about going home now. Look on it as a positive thing. It is. It will be good for you all to have time to see how you are all doing and reconnect with one another.
Grief is a tough thing to learn to live with, but slowly you do learn how to do that. Even so many years on, I still miss my dad every day and still talk to his portrait on the wall of my living room! I wish he was still here, but no one has their parents for ever. The legacy of their memory and the time you did spend together will always be with you though, so you will never really be without him, because he will be with you in your heart and in your memories.
Don't worry about coming home. I think it will do you good and will probably help. Keep talking to us here. There are all sorts of people who have suffered all kinds of losses here and I am sure someone will be able to give you some good advice along the way. Take care!