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Thinking about dating again

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CarolineL:
Good luck and hope all goes well, I think you are being very brave and good for you x

Platypus:
I've not been on this forum for quite a long time now; in fact I just logged in because I wanted to start a new topic/query, and before doing so read back my old posts. And I definitely allowed myself a smile when reading this thread!  I promised to report back with how my date went, back in May 2019... so here goes: sorry it's a little late!!

It went brilliantly! Conversation flowed very naturally and I enjoyed myself more than I could possibly have guessed possible. It turned into another date, and another, and another, and we both realised it was becoming serious. Sue and I formally moved in together just before lockdown started, which is where we are now (and if lockdown wasn't a good enough test of a relationship, I don't know what is!).   This is hopefully for keeps now; we are really good together, and I am happier again than I would ever have thought possible.   Crucially for me, Sue gets on famously with my (adult) kids, too, they are really supportive of the relationship and are delighted that I've 'found' somebody.

One of the things I love about Sue is that she's 100% understanding of my widower status. As I mentioned in a previous post she knew my late wife, Ann, and is very comfortable talking about her when appropriate; there's none of this awkward walking on eggshells: Ann is actually something we both had in common.   Sue fully understands that I adored Ann and that but for the dreaded Big C we would still be happily together, and told me early on that she totally gets that this makes her my 'second choice'. Which was a bit cringey to hear her say, but we both know it's basically the truth and I love that she's comfortable with that and is open enough to say it out loud.   Her take on the situation is that she really admires the long, happy and faithful marriage I had with Ann, and that the experience makes me the sort of person that she can envisage spending the rest of her life with.

I certainly haven't forgotten about Ann and do still think about her a lot.  Ann was undoubtedly the love of my life, yet I now love Sue, though, too - and that's such a strange, weird feeling which is almost impossible to describe.  I find I can't think about them at the same time - it's as if my brain simply can't process it and will explode if I try.  The best way I can describe it to myself (and you guys here; absolutely nobody else!) is that the two of them live in two different rooms in my brain. The two doors are always closed.  I spend most of my time now living in Sue's room, but sometimes, when I'm alone, I just nip out into Ann's for a while.  Is that weird?

So that's me now.  I hope that my experience might help someone else who was where I was a few years ago...

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