So I often come on here, hoping I can offer some words of comfort or help to someone, thankfully others are much better at it, and have it all covered, so yet again I find myself on here just to vent, as I am beginning to think I am going mad, those who have read my posts on here, will know that 25 years ago my Dad died suddenly, and almost to the day 25 years later my Mum died in my arms after I had fought so hard to save her. This was 18 months ago.
I have been having counseling, have dealt with the PTSD that happened because of it all, and am trying so so hard to be okay, and yet, every second of the day I think of them both, Mum in particular as she is the most raw, but strangely Dad too,
Everything I do I think of them and Mothers Day coming up is like a constant poke in my heart, yesterday I spoke to one of my half-siblings, we were all Mums children, not Dads, anyway she asked how I was, so I told her, and then it kicked off, she said I had had a wonderful childhood, she hadn't, I should stop wallowing and that I was behaving like the only person in the world who had ever lost anyone, I did retaliate a bit, but now I feel so ashamed, how come they all seem to be okay? Or as okay as it gets it? How do I deal with it? Am i meant not to feel like this and I am actually wallowing? I was Mums carer the last few years, but at the same time she took care of me too, I miss her all the time, and now feel that is wrong, so how do I deal with it all, of course I am not the only person who has lost someone, it doesn't mean I know how to cope...