Oh, I am so sorry. This all sounds so familiar. It is almost unbearable, I know. I did the hospital trips for weeks when my mum was there. I hated leaving and often stayed way past visiting hours. They didn't seem to mind if I was very quiet and mum found it reassuring. I hated having to leave her there. I was working on trying to get her home when it became clear she was not going to survive and by then, if I am honest, I think she would have been too weak to survive the journey anyway.
If you want to get your mum home, you need to see her GP and they can help you arrange that and arrange for her to have a Marie Curie nurse to look after her at home, along with any equipment that might be needed for her. You don't have to do everything yourself. She would probably need the nursing care anyway. The nurse would be able to administer any medicines your mum might need. If this is something she would like, I would say do it. Hospital is horrible. But do it sooner rather than later, as she might become too weak to make it home otherwise, as my mum did. If I regret anything, it was that she ended up passing away in there. I would have done anything to get her home. I kept promising her I would get her home, but that was one promise I ended up having to break and that hurts me still.
I wouldn't worry that you feel a mess. I know I was. I struggled to hold it together all the time I was with her and whenever I was at home, just dissolved into floods of tears. I rather think being a mess whilst you are going through all this is sadly par for the course. Maybe there are stronger people out there, but I am certainly not one of them.
I felt like you do in regard to getting food into my mum. She too needed the nourishment whilst there was any chance of recovery. The hospital doctors didn't seem too bothered whether she got food or not. They did record how much she managed to eat in her notes at each meal and how much she drank throughout the day, but i felt I needed to be there at meal times to try to coax her to try a little something. The staff were too stretched to be able to help much with this. I took in anything soft and easy to swallow. Sometimes that worked and she would have some. Home cooked food was always more appetising than hospital food. I bought two food flasks and took her soup, or stew made with mince, or ice cream or lemon meringue pie, custard - just anything that she might try. Her favourite thing was coffee, milky coffee that I always used to make for her at home. She would always want that.
The hospital will want to discharge her. They are under constant pressure to free up beds. Stand your ground if you don't think that she should leave hospital yet. You need to decide what you feel is best for her and have time to prepare for that if you are going to bring her home. You may find it better for her to go to a hospice or somewhere though. These are massively hard decisions to make, but don't be pushed by the staff. Just work things out in your own time. You know your mum best and you probably know how she is better than they do too. It's you sitting with her all those hours.
I am so very sorry. I know all about what you are going through only too well. Sending strength and a massive hug, pet.