Hi i am sorry you needed to find us too - but we are here to help any way we can.
There are many questions you must have, some that cant really be answered even by doctors about why he didnt turn up for apointments and why he didnt tell you
Given his age he would have been very impressionable at the time when HIV and Aids was presented in such a fear filled way and those who caught it were treated as pariahs
When he was 11 he may have seen the advert with the crashing gravestone that terrified us all, he may have seen that where a tv series dared to tackle the issue the outcome was always the same and the programme attracted some really harsh comments from some members of soicety many of whom believed it was a deserved punishment from god perhaps he remembered the gasps of incredability when Princess Diana visited people with aids and shook their hands - Then imagine allbeit several years later being told you have it.
Of course everything moved on - treatment got better the difference between being HIV positive and having full blown aids became clearer but generally with much less media sensationalism.So perhaps when he went for the test, he was less aware of the advances went into panic mode and didnt take in what was being said. perhaps all he heard was you dont have aids, and didnt take in the rest of that conversation so didnt understand his condition.
The other option is denial - if you dont go to the doctors dont have treatment and just carry on as normal then you dont have it - not quite the same but i have known people do this with cancer.
Either way as well as grief on losing him it must be so hard for you to take in - and there may be those around you who say he was a bad person for putting you at risk like that - only you can decide that - my own feeling is he wasnt - yours will switch over the coming months as you go through a roller coaster of emotions - many of us will recognise we have felt angry at the people we lost firstly for leaving us but also because they drank, smoked, went out in the car that morning - a whole myriad of reasons. But only you knew him and only you can decide in the way you were together, the kind of person he was and then hold on too the best of him and your time together.
WE will be here to try and help you through this the best we can for as long as you need.