Good morning,
I lost my mum on New Year’s Day (her dad’s birthday). She had been ill for a while with copd (can’t give this illness the capitalisation as I hate it so much) however we did not expect her to pass so soon. We all thought she had 2-5 years still.
Her mental health had deteriorated as well and she had become a shadow of my former fiery mum. I was her carer but during the past two years this had become very difficult and there were chunks of time in which we were estranged. Other family issues that I won’t go into just now. The last 6 weeks of her life however we had been very close and I got time to tell her how much I loved her and that I just wanted her better. I now know that this was me in denial she was never going to get better 💔😢
I just miss her so much and feel guilty that I didn’t just put the family stuff to one side. Someone told me not to feel guilt but to accept it as regrets that I was only working with what information I had at the time- I didn’t know that she would be taken from me so soon.
Mum and I always were up and down with each other we were so much alike.
I feel like I don’t know where I am right now- we haven’t had the funeral yet this is happening on Thursday. And my life seems to be spiralling out of control.