Hi thank u v much for yr replies. It's hard not to fix on the things should have done or should have said ... The thoughts just keep invading my brain at the most inopportune moments. Speaking to the bank manager to name but one. I feel guilty that I couldn't make James's last 3 months happy. He was in denial and didn't want to speak or do anything fun, he just kept trying to do stuff but ending up with it all half done. It was his attitude that caused issues with my daughter, she wanted to take him out, make good memories, but all he wanted to do was lecture her on what she should do with her life. It was a week of hell but It still feels like an elephant sitting on my chest. I miss his presence but I feel so bad that I don't miss the constant non stop lectures of how to do stuff :( I wish I had better memories. X