Hello Grizz, so sorry to hear about your dad. When I read your post, I found myself identifying with much of what you said. My dad died rather suddenly at home too one night and I was the one to find him. Life is never the same after you lose a parent. My dad died in 1985 and I lost my mum last year. I came home from work one day to find her collapsed across the bed. SHe had had a massive bleed on the brain and survived for about another six or seven weeks, then passed away in hospital. I've been doing my best to cope with everything on my own since then, but had a week about seven months later when I had a complete meltdown, then improved a bit again for a while, then got worse again and so it goes on. I found this website only a couple of months ago and I find it has helped to read about what other people are going through. I don't feel like it isn't Ok to still be struggling with how I'm feeling since coming here. Like you, there are still days when I don't want to get up and sometimes I don't, but those days pass and I have better days at times. I found it helped to find a new interest or resurrect an old one and spend a couple of hours out of the house with other people, if only for a couple of hours a week. It gave me something different to focus on and I made some new friends. I think you need something that will take you out of yourself for a while now and then to help you reconnect with life. It won't 'cure' you, but it might help. Grief is a long and difficult road to follow, but there can be better days as well as the bad ones. Stay strong. Sending hugs!!