It can be so hard when something triggers our grief
having a health scare would have shaken you, and lowered your coping ability, especially going to the same hospital too. It is such a rollercoaster, we dont get off it but the twists and turns become easier to recover from, and the ride generally gets easier with the occasional dip. You will be able to cope again.
Be gentle with yourself, you've had a shock with the scare and are naturally wanting to reach out to your mum. Can you create a comforting place, where you can feel you can talk to your mum? Or maybe write it in a letter/s to her? I find it can be soothing to visit my dads plaque, just sit a while and talk to him or sit and think
I've got all the phone messages saved with my dad. I find if I'm feeling too delicate I wont look at them, but they can be comforting when I am feeling stronger
Have you got something you could work towards in her memory? Maybe volunteering or something? Or learning/following a passion you've always had. The only way we can keep moving forward is to build our lives up around the grief and find meaning. A couple of years after losing my dad I started retraining and that has helped me alot as it feels it has more purpose and I know he'd be proud xx