Hey!

[Becciemx]

Hey, so my names Beccie. I'm 26 years old and not really sure what to say. I lost my mum on 11/09/1998 then my nanna on 11/07/2005. Everyday is a struggle since I can remember, with other things Aswell as bereavement. This weekend my brother brought his kids up to my house and my uncle came also, bringing some things my mum wrote and photos. These are the only
Photos I have of her and there's only 2 with me and her. She was an absent mum my nanna took care of me. Since reading the letters and seeing the photos I feel like i can't breath the pain in my chest is so tight. I was only 8 when she died and because I had my nanna I guess I didn't really understand. I feel like she died yesterday, I just need someone to talk to, someone that can help or atleast understand! I'm confused because how can I miss her when I barely knew her?! I just feel like the whole process is really delayed and only just really hit me now. I was lucky to be fostered and have a lovely new mum and dad but since moving my relationship with them has distanced I feel like the loneliest person despite having a wonderful husband.

So sorry for such a long message, especially when it doesn't really make sense. 😭

X

[Emz2014]

Grief is an odd thing at times, it doesnt move tidily through expected stages, or proceed in an orderly time specified route.  It can often be a rollercoaster, takes each of us our own time and can be delayed.  Big events in our lives, even positive big things, can trigger grief we havent dealt with previously
Our brains are still forming when we are children, so perhaps loss as a child is processed a bit differently.  Perhaps now you are older, there are more unresolved feelings and thoughts. 

Talking things through helps us process our loss and you may find that helps you to make sense of things now.  You may find counselling would help to explore your feelings, otherwise we will do our best to support you here, from our experiences xx

[Pauline Mc]

Hi Beccie - I lost my Dad when I was 12 and at that time just kind of accepted it.  It wasn't until I lost my mum 9 years ago that I realised how much I missed him as well and grieved for both of them.  I don't think people realise that grief can happen at any time triggered by any number of different reasons.  Hopefully you will find support and comfort from this site from other members who have been through similar.  Sending hugs xx

[Soleil]

Hi Beccie,

I'm also living proof that there is no date stamp on grief. I am now 60 years old and lost my father when I was 13. A job loss last year has triggered the loss of my father and other losses that I am dealing with. It is not unusual to postpone grief until you are ready for it. That is what denial is for, it is like it goes to sleep. Younger people like you and I are not equipped to handled grief and death so it will show when we know we can. It doesn't matter that you hardly knew your mother, she was still your mother.

What I did with my father was to print a picture of him and try and remember him from when I was young. It is very painful but I learned that my father loved me and I loved him and have kept the little memories I have. You are not alone in this and the fact is it should be talked about more. Grief and past losses seem almost a taboo when we talk about them, like people think 'what's the matter with her, he died 47 years ago, isn't she over it'. 

Just know Beccie you are not alone. It happens all the timej. 

[Karena]

Hi as Emz said grief does not follow rules.It is  not quite the same circumstances but my dad left when I was very young and I did not see him again until I was an adult with a daughter of my own.The third time i met him was the day he died.
I was devastated but like you could not understand why I was grieving for someone I barely knew.Looking back I realise I was grieving for all those lost years in the past and the lack of opportunity to make them up.Grieving for people I knew well I have had good memory's to collect and keep but when there are none it is not possible to do that which leaves a gap that doesnt lessen the grief
Treasure the photos and letters you do have and maybe over time you will remember more about the times you did have together Perhaps your uncle shared some of those and can tell you about them.As said it will probably be a painful process but perhaps one that will help in the end.