Thats the benefit of this forum, you're not expected to be jolly all the time, here is a place you can vent and let those emotions/thoughts come out. It can really help to write them down, it gets them out of our heads
Truly is a rollercoaster - as soon as you think you have got the hang of it, or have a system which works, thats just when a bend comes! Feeling ill doesnt help, that definitely lowers our defences. Be gentle and take care of yourself. Whatever you find comforting/indulgent, do more of. Get some healthy but indulgent food on the go
Have you seen Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind? That film covers the possible concept of erasing memories, I liked it/found it interesting. (Mind you, I love watching films - and probably watch too many, when I started my online diary of them I was surprised by the volume)
Sending you a hug, and give little Rory a hug from me too xx