Gloria, the first few months are probably the worst in my experience. In fact the first whole year really with all the anniversaries and practical problems to deal with. I lost my Dad in 1985 and still miss him, lost my Mum a year ago too, hence why I find myself here too, but focus on who he was when he was well when you can, and try to focus less on the hospital spell. It will have you in tears. You can't change it, but if your dad was anything like mine, he loved life and wouldn't want you to be sad. My dad stayed around a while after he died to make sure me and mum were Ok. Sounds odd, but he was like that. Always wanted to take care of us. I think he only moved on once he felt there was no more he could do to help us and he told my mum he was going! He came back to me a couple of times in dreams, once to tell me he was Ok and I shouldn't worry about him and once to say he was going back to see the place where he grew up. I haven't dreamt about him for a while now, but still talk to his portrait that hangs on my front room wall! I swear he's smiling encouragingly at me in it, even though it is painted without him smiling! Maybe I'm nuts, but I'm sure your dad will be with you in some way still too. Maybe you won't agree, but I think our loved ones never really leave us. They do live on and we will see them again one day. Unfortunately, it's just hell being separated, but being gone in the body, doesn't mean they are gone from you. Stick with it, you will get to a better place, just don't think you're ever going to do that in such a very short time. All best wishes, Sandra xxxx