Hi, I posted my first introductory post last night, thank you to the admin folks for their kind replies and so soon too, I now see a message asking me to make my next post here, so here I am again, Barb, 69 years old,an Aquarian, we lost our only daughter my Lee, in January, no grandchildren, I have an older brother, who I look out for :) Lee died in January, her dad my best friend and husband of 48 years cancelled his scheduled hip replacement back in May 2016 when Lee was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal, no hope cancer, not due to lack of us trying to find out what was wrong with her, we tried, God knows how hard we tried, by the time anyone took any notice , it was way to late, since then everything has been a blur, my thoughts are all over the place, as I guess is obvious by my emails, anyway, I "disposed" of Lee's home after her death,on my own again, then in May this year Steve was finally able to have that operation, so I was back in nursey uniform shortly after losing Lee, it was so hard, I do not know how I did it, let alone Steve, I wasn't even having the op, but he was only in hospital 1 night and it was over to me then, I do have happy news, he is now doing just great, I think I am supposed to say how I want to be supported in this post, but I just don't know, what I do know is people expect me to be perfectly normal now, and I am anything but normal, like I said in my previous post, I do know grief, I have lost other family members in all sorts of ways, and I have dug in and pulled through, I believe in mind-fullness and I TRY to practice it, and each day I go through the motions, I cook and clean and shop and recently began walking for leisure again, and yesterday I even picked up my crochet hook for the first time in 3 years, and the tears just fall, anytime, anywhere any place, even now, typing this I have just started blubbing again, why ?it won't help, sorry, if I am going to go on like this, it is not helping anyone.