My darling husband Steve passed away on 23rd March aged just 51 years. he was struck down by a double stroke.
I miss him so much. We had 19 wonderful years together. Yes I have memories and they are locked in my heart. But I'd give anything to have him back.
Every waking moment I'm a gibbering wreck. I just howl. wander from room to room in a complete daze.
I'm on my own with no one to confide in. We only moved here in July 2015 so I don't know anyone.
My daughter lived 120 miles away and she has been a wonderful help travelling here to take me to the hospital when she could. She is at the end of her nursing finals and so is pretty full on herself but she took my dog back to hers so I could stay at the hospital.
The first stroke killed the left side of his brain. He couldn't speak, swallow, was asleep most of the time but occasionally got a little interaction like a nod of his head or a little squeeze of the hand during the first two weeks. He'd had a chest infection that despite three lots of powerful anti-biotics wouldn't go and so was bubbling thick flem and aspirating. I felt so helpless not able to ease him. Then the consultant said he'd had a brain stem stroke and there was no hope he was dying and that he was comatosed, I'm not so sure at one point. But the consultant said they had done repeated CT scans etc. If he survived he would be in a vegetative state.
The last four days were horrendous. The feed and fluids were stopped. I just watched him grow weaker and weaker until he passed away. That experience will haunt me forever.
I can't breath, the tears are forever bluring my vision.
We were two halves that only worked together.
I don't want to begin the next chapter of my life without him. I want my darling husband back.