Ive been struggling nearly 3 years. Ive been backwards and forwards to the doctors, I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety ocd you name it, ive been put on on a variety of dufferent depression medication all to no avail. I am currently on prozac which out of all of them seems to control my attacks a little but i dont know how long i can carry on this way. I mean i I don't want to be on medication the rest of my life. So I've had a bad few years I've lost my uncle to suicide my dad had a heart attack my grandad died on my wedding day which I am now going through a divorce from. I lost my other grandparents within months my godparent and now my cousin it seems everything real is being ripped apart from my grasp resulting in ocd behaviours to try and control what little in my life I can, the thing is I've met and fallen in love with the most amazing guy but all this is ruining any chance we have of a future, in all the loss I just can't see a way through and I guess I'm a little reluctant in giving myself because i dont want to lose anyone else in my life. The hardest is losing my nan as we were the best of friends and In a way the relationship I have now is as near to this as I've been since and I'm a little scared of losing that closeness again everything is just spiralling out of control and I do not know which path to take.