This isn't a request for support but I hope it's okay to post how I'm feeling. I had a strange day today. Was back in work and received so many emails from people all over the world who knew my George. At the funeral someone said to me not to underestimate the influence he had had on so many, and it's true. I feel very humbled. Very tearful also as a couple of people who worked for us came to the office when I was there for the first time. So painful.
Feeling my loss very badly with lots of little reminders of our life together.
Then this evening my sister in law put on a DVD - La Famille Belier. My brother & his wife are staying with me. They live in France and my family has strong French connections as my parents and both brothers lived and worked there for many years. We all speak French to a greater or less degree, while George struggled with other languages. We were drinking a fair bit and spoke to each other in French while watching the French film. I suddenly realised that a) I was enjoying the film and not 'elsewhere' in my mind as I've often been and b) I couldn't have done this with George as I'd have to translate for him.
I wouldn't have minded at all, of course, and I would a hundred million times rather he was here and we all spoke English. But it was a little peep into a parallel world, maybe.
Now I'm about to go to bed alone, apart from my dog, and feeling down again. But for the briefest time I had a glimpse of a future where I could enjoy things and maybe different things.
Perhaps one small step in the healing process is to do things you couldn't do with the person you lost; things you enjoy but they didn't?
By the way, the film has English sub-titles and I can really recommend it. A bit weepy but we need something to release our emotions, don't we?