:hug:you can talk here and we will be here as long as you need us to be -
i do understand how difficult this is for you -because whats being forced onto you, seeing, hearing, smelling, even being in a hospital setting drags up the lowest times of our lives, and the things we cannot forget about the last moments of theirs, but we somehow try to put them in a box at the back of our minds and attempt to slam the lid shut. And now some-one is prizing the lid back open, when you have not had time to gather any strength to deal with them or put any distance between you and them.
Because you have been strong people will look to you for that strength again -especially now - which must be a huge force pressing down on you - i dont know what the answer is, or if there are any,but coming here and talking is a good start.
Dealing with the hospital situation i wonder if there is something you can take with you -a reminder of another time and place that you can hold - i know it sounds a bit airy fairy - but something you have in your pocket - a pebble from a beach you spent some happy time - something as simple as that to help you focus your mind on something outside those immediate suroundings.I have a crystal - and it helps when in a situation that creates this kind of anxiety - so perhaps he same idea might work for you.