Hello Carol,I've just come across something called the fried egg theory of grief. I think I'd seen this title before* but was put off by the strange sounding name. However this time I looked it up on the web and one site explained it very briefly, I'm a poster - which you don't need to buy, it's shown on the screen- For me, it was like a weight being llifted slightly.
You could have a look and see what you think. I know it's helped me
*Ps sorry if it was on this forum and I haven't acknowledged the person who recommended it