No matter how old you are losing your mum is devastating,the foundations of your whole life seem to slip from under you,because no matter what your mum was always there for you, and when she has gone its actually frightening. As Emz says four months seems like a long time but it really isnt.11 years after mine died i suddenly found myself in a heap because of a xmas song on the radio,so it never entirely goes away, but thats not to say that the pain of the early days doesnt subside -it does.
When does grief get better ? daily but we dont always know it - nothing is ever as bad as the day we lose them, but it feels like it is, and because it isnt a steady progression its a roller coaster journey which differs from person to person, sometimes you think you might have got off the ride only to find yourself back n it again but as time passes the dips get less steep, and acute pain lessens into something more bearable.
Because even though the foundations have slipped they havnt gone, you will look too her strength and her character as your own children grow up, and so she will live on in you, because as a mum myself we spend our lives loving our children and we want to hold them close and protect them, but also perhaps subconsciousley we spend time setting them up for adulthood and for when we are no longer here,its something instinctive - even primative inbuilt reaction too ensure their survival and what we learn from our mothers we pass on too our children.
It takes time but we will be here for you, keep writing, keep talking, doing that helped me a lot when i first found this site.