Hi Ella. I lost my husband 7 years ago and looking back i can see me being at the same stage as you at 2.5 years onwards for quite a while.
I think its like youre in a forest sitting under a tree and you have paths to chose from -you take a few steps along one and its a dead end and then you go back too the tree,then try another,and you have to keep doing that until the dead ends are spent and you find a path. You might branch off it a few times or you might find several paths meet up and become a wider one.
I too have done distance learning and i did find it helped, because even though at first i was randomly picking courses that looked as though they might interest me,i saw them in isolation as something to pass a few hours.Then i did one which required designing campaigns and suddenly those random courses made a pattern,and i had built up knowledge of my subject, writing skills,and now i could put them together and whats more i could use it all to help a project overseas -from my desk in the UK, and suddenly the paths started to join up even though i hadnt had that intention. I still work so it fits around that but also gives me insight into what i can do on a voluntary basis when i do retire. Sometimes things do just click into place like that.I,m still doing it alone but with a purpose and that makes a difference rather than doing something just to kill time.
I tried joining things locally and it just doesnt work for me here.I had to move after he died which also didnt help,but the WI or amateur Drama are not for me.
Others here have joined local groups and found it did help so we are all different in what will help us overcome this.
My husband was the socialiser and i was more than happy to sit in his shadow so for me it been more about learning to be alone and not be lonely and that is still ongoing.
I totally get what you mean about friends being in couples, and it can increase that feeling of isolation rather than fill a space and sometimes we have to move away from that into new freindship - not drop friends who are couples, but become less dependant on them-if that makes sense,but finding new freinds is also very difficult. I have found travelling much easier than i expected because a lot of people including women also travel alone,but it took until a few months ago to get the courage to walk into a cafe on my own, and get a coffee, so its all ongoing, gradually slaying dragons in order to get somewhere i want to be - so having a goal other than just filling time helps, it makes them worth slaying or finding a way round them and i think thats the key.having that purpose or goal which in itself brings new people into your life.
I wonder if voluntary work might be something for you, that way you make contact with other people through whatever the cause is, but friendships around other interests from outside that goal evolve.
We do have everyday chat on here and so some of that normal stuff we used to share with them we share with each other, so its not just about the big stuff being here and you might be suprised how much just sharing the small stuff helps, we have grief in common but often find there is much more in common too, and although its in a virtual world, people who find they live close by each other or have met up as a result of being here have become realworld friends , so keep coming back and keep talking, we will be here as long as you need us to be.