very cruel.-this was the second time being widowed for me and some-one else who was also in the same position said we must have done something really bad in a former life - and without really thinking my mouth opened and i said -if we believe that then surely we must also believe that maybe we only ever had them as a reward for something good in a former life - maybe we were given the privalege of having them in our lives at all, because we were the best people for them to spend their last days in this life with. So i try and stick too that idea -would i rather never have had them in my life -no of course not,because to love and be loved back is a very special thing to be given.
Doesnt always work on the very bad days or when people treat you like the black widow, but it helps to remember that we did at least have that time, no matter how long or short it was.
I think Gp,s sometimes dont have the answers we want because we are not ready to be able to benefit from it yet.,51 days feels like a lifetime of pain,and we want the pain to stop we want to function again -and at the same time we dont because to laugh, to go out to continue in life without them not only seems impossible but a betrayal. Its a confusing emotional roller coaster.What we want more than anything is for them to come back.
If you liken it too a physical problem -say you lose a leg -you want it back you want your life back,but thats not possible,so you lie in a bed for weeks, then you start to move around a bit sit in the chair get to the loo,then maybe you get physio, a wheel chair,crutches and eventually a prosthetic,-but you are still not going to be running a marathon for a long time to come -the prosthetic is uncomfortable it can rub cause further problems and set you back weeks.The difference with grief of course is you cant see it and neither can anyone else -so you forget to be as kind too yourself as you would with a physical injury and try and jump the stages, speed the process up.I know Cruse bereavement counselling allows a period of time before it begins, so back too the physical comparison thats the period before they start the physio, because to do it sooner wouldnt be the right time.We simply cant jump stages and i think accepting that with grief as we would with physical injury is itself a big step forward.
Have a look at the Cruse website -they have different services in different areas, and if things get really bad, you would by no means be the first or last here to phone the samaritans.
But keep coming back and keep talking here, just the act of writing can help sort things into some kind of sense, because to write we have to be able to do it in sentances, but we will be here as long as you need us to be.Answers might not be instant but we will always answer.