Hi and welcome -i am much further down the road - it is seven years since i lost my husband -and it was the second time for me. I dont think i will ever go back to being the person i was and still occasionally feel overwhelmed - with grief and loneliness -i have learned to cope with it, accept it as a part of me just like any other chracteristic -and i think that is what we do -starting one very small step at a time, frequently sliding back into despair in the beginning less frequently as time passes.We start to build a fence round the gaping hole they have left behind. As the new person we become emerges, sometimes we dislike that person intensley as we go through being guilty, angry, anxious, lack confidence, and are filled with yearning for the past. Other people around us change or change in their relationship with us as we do. Some move away from us,but new people,and new interests emerge, and now i dislike myself less.I still miss him -both of them - But even though they are not physically here,they are still very much present in my life, my beliefs, thoughts, and actions are defined by them.
Being here was a lifeline for me -somewhere to write down what i could never say out loud, but also somewhere that, through the grief we all have in common, we find companionship, share the daily trials of everyday things as well as grief.
If like me, when i first came,you wonder why there is a laughing emojie,and cant imagine a time that you will ever have a reason to use it, i hope that like me,one day you will.