I must say I haven't had anything as bad as that happen to me Brian. Have you considered making a formal complaint? If it was me, I'd get the name of someone at the top and send a letter addressed to them in person.
In the end it worked out OK for me and as I said I wasn't too upset but now I'm completely satisfied. I sent the message to Halifax Bank using an online form on their website and to be honest I regarded it as feedback and just hoped taht they'd look at their systems to make sure it didn't happen again. They have actually treated it as a formal complaint and I got a letter from them today saying they had investigated and upheld my 'complaint'. The letter was very sympathetically and appropriately worded. The bonus was unexpected for my part I have to say, a sizeable credit in my account that will be enough to treat the family to a meal out
Even though I'm considerably further 'down the line' than you Brian, I still have those awful moments of flashback and the horrible guilt that we all sometimes feel. I'm beginning to think that it will never go away completely. There were several moments during Chris' illness when she asked for things that I either had no choice but to say no to or just couldn't do and they haunt me. But those moments do pass and I think get farther apart as well.
Keep chatting to Rory, it's just a pity he can't talk back although it's amazing how they can let you know what they want