Hi,
I have read a number of people who have suffered the horrendous shock of a sudden death. My partner, Victoria also passed suddenly on Sunday 28th January this tear. We woke at 7am to go to the toilet, I spoke to her as she came to bed and she said she was shattered as she had a bad night (she was suffering with various ailments and had just been referred to the hospital finally). I woke at 9.30 to find she had died. Of course, like others here I called 999 and tried CPR and they took her to hospital but she never recovered.
I know the same sense of stunned disbelief. I feel as if I have had two lives. One where Vic and I cooked, worked, looked after the cat, laughed loved, and then, in a few hours I had no life, no laughter and no point in living. It was as if an axe fell and severed my connection with life.
I couldn't think and watched TV Box sets to stop thinking.
We always said I love you at night and several times a day but it doesn't help with the sense of loss and its not without regret. We were only together a short time and I am married so it took time to get my ex to agree to a divorce. She did just before Christmas and, as Vic was never married it was all she wanted to do and we had started to discuss it. Now that will never happen.
Now the phone rings less and not so many callers I am feeling to first touches of the loneliness. I am returning to work and it helps that my work is being really supportive as I am only working part time at the moment.
I have good days and bad and the horrible time of sorting out the clothes and belonging is happening...but slowly.
Thank you for this forum and those souls who, like me are in pain and feel as if they can't go on.
I can't offer any advice as I am still looking for help and support myself but breath. Time is your friend and there is not right and wrong way to do this. We have no prior experience, no manual, no guidelines. I slept on a sofa for two weeks as I could not face the bed but that passed.
I know she didn't suffer as her eyes were closed and she looked as if she was asleep so that is one thing I hold onto when all else seem dark.
I love her now and always will and I will try to make her proud for the rest of my life.
I hope we all eventually get the sense of peace we are all looking for.