Author Topic: So lost without him  (Read 78 times)

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Offline Bella5

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So lost without him
« on: January 11, 2021, 07:06:01 PM »
Trying to come to terms with losing my soulmate my best friend, the dearest, sweetest man, a wonderful husband.
He was fine, just felt a bit tired, so went for a blood test as thought he might be aneamic, after which he was sent for an ultrasound which showed a problem with the liver. It turned out to be advanced bowel cancer,. I will never forget when he was given that diagnosis, the shock, the disbelief, we couldn't take it in. He was a big strong man who had never been ill. He had to live with that knowledge for two months, it broke my heart in to a million pieces. We did everything
together, just us, no children, he was only 69, I just can't believe he's gone.

Offline Karena

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Re: So lost without him
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2021, 02:27:05 PM »
Hi Bella so sorry you have found yourself here but sending you a warm welcome. :hug:
I came here after the second time of being widowed the first time. He was just 30 and died from cancer i can totally relate to the shock of diagnosis the whirl of hospital tests medications and everything else and even after knowing what the  outcome is going to be the shock of losing him -in my case it took ten weeks between those but because i think we focus so much on looking after them and also have a hope despite being told otherwise that there is a mistake or a last minute cure will arrive it is that hope that keeps us going and makes us able to cope in that time for their sake. - then there is silence - yes the funeral and the phone calls and everything else has to be done but there is still silence as we try to take on board what has happened disbelief and and having  no idea what lies ahead, I had two girls so had to keep going for them. The second time they were adults with a life of their own and i dreaded all the time cancer would strike gain and was shocked all over again when it was a stroke that took him - i couldnt see a point to going on or a point to my life. But i found this place and just having somewhere to write down the feelings i could not express to anyone verbally  -then  somewhere i felt less lonely helped a lot. Its a long journey ahead and a very bumpy one at that but you are not alone non of us are professional bereavement councellors but all of us are on the same road at different points along it and those of us ahead of the others always try and reach back to give a hand or just a hug to those just starting out - and will be here as long as you need us to be.     

Offline Bella5

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Re: So lost without him
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2021, 05:32:46 PM »
Thank you so much for your warm welcome Karena. As you say, you are so intent on looking after your loved one and keeping strong for them you don't even think about the future, we used to say we won't open that door, so although we knew there was no cure we never talked about it.The days after we're a blur, the funeral was as if it was happening to someone else, I think you are in so much shock it's like a protection, your mind won't go there, and then slowly the reality hits you.
I couldn't believe he could be so ill and not have any symptoms. The oncologist said sadly this is sometimes the case. I looked after him at home, he got gradually weaker and then one night he had trouble getting his breath and was admitted to hospital on the Saturday night and passed away early on the Tuesday morning, they said it was septic shock. He had ascites due to the cancer as well.
He was such a fit strong man, he had never had any health problems, that's why it was such a shock, we had a health lifestyle, lots of walking, good diet, I've lost my soulmate, it seems so cruel, at least it was a blessing he didn't suffer for long, as some do. I'm so sorry for your loss.  :hug:

Offline Sandra61

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Re: So lost without him
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2021, 11:30:51 AM »
Hello Bella, so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. Sending you a hug.  :hug: Sadly, i have known a few people who have had bowel cancer and those for whom it is advanced, do seem to pass away with little warning. It is very sad.

I think you are probably still in shock. Any loss is always a great shock no matter what the cause. All you can do it be kind to yourself and get through one day at a time for now. Do whatever helps. Go for walks. Nature really helps. I liked having flowers around to help  lift my spirits a little. Talk to anyone who is keen to help. Write down your feelings about it all and keep a journal of how you feel each day. It does help give those thoughts and feelings some expression and helps reduce the inner stress holding them inside causes somehow. Keep talking to us here. We have all been through similar experiences and will understand. You are not alone. One day at a time.  :hearts:

Offline Bella5

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Re: So lost without him
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2021, 12:20:02 PM »
Thank you Sandra for your reply, it is so comforting to know I am not alone and that you understand what I am going through. I have my dog, so I have to get out and walk her, so that helps, although the weather is not great at the moment. I am finding the lockdown so hard, it means I can't meet up with any of my friends for exercise as they don't live locally. I find the evenings and nights the worst time.
I wake up in the night and everything goes round in my head, all those awful images and things I can't get rid of,and I try not to panic. We had so much more we wanted to do together, I thought he'd be with me for another fifteen or twenty years, he was so fit, never had any health problems, I know it will take time and I have to go through what they call the stages of grief, I try not to think of the future, it's too scary. Thank you for caring.  :hearts: