Author Topic: Newbie  (Read 177 times)

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Offline MrsNash

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« on: June 06, 2020, 12:03:54 AM »
So following the instructions from the home page I am posting here 😀

My wonderful Dad died on 6th April this year following a chest infection that his COPD just couldnít cope with. He was 12 days away from his 88th birthday.

We knew he was very ill and was under the palliative care team but nothing can prepare you for it.

Itís strange times now also with the COVID restrictions so itís been challenging.

Apart from my cat dying 5 years ago this is my first bereavement and my Dad was my absolute world so itís shaken me to my core.  Just 6 weeks after Dad died his older brother died of exactly the same thing. Dad would have been devastated with this so itís a small mercy they he went first.

I donít feel like Iím coping very well at all and some days I donít even wash and get dressed. Other days I can function just fine.

I seem to have developed an issue with anxiety that started the week before his funeral and has now progressed to full blown panic attacks.

I just need some support to know that there are other people feeling the same way and that Iím not a freak for being this way.

Thanks for reading all that! It actually feels good to just say it all instead of pretending that Iím ok.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Newbie
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2020, 06:27:42 PM »
Hello Janice,

You can feel reassured that the feelings you describe are sadly very normal. Any loss is a shock to the system and especially a close one.  I had days when I couldn't bring myself to get washed and dressed after I lost my mum in 2017, which was what brought me here. You do have days when you can do normal things, although you might have little interest in doing them and others when you just can't. They tend to describe grief as a roller-coaster ride on here and it is true that this terrible time after a loss has its ups and downs. I found, like you that it shook me to the core also. I also found that it changed me from the person I was into someone else. Grief is not really something that you 'get over' in my experience, but rather something you learn to live with. It changes your outlook on life and changes your daily world, because the person you have lost isn't there anymore and it takes months, if not years to find your way through into the light again, so don't expect this to improve quickly. Losing someone you loved deeply and who you have been used to having around all your life isn't something you can adjust to very fast.

I did also find that writing about it helped and I kept a diary of how I was feeling and what I was thinking about for a long time. Still do really. Writing it down does seem to help get some of the pressure of grief out of your system a bit. Talking helps too if you have any family members you can talk to. It might help them as well. Otherwise I found it helped to have flowers around to remind me that there were still good things in the world and it also helped to walk in the park and sit on a bench to try to take it all in. It is a calming place to do that. I also found the inscriptions on the benches to the other people that had passed was reassuring too. It showed that people we love continue to be remembered and cherished by someone.

If you are having anxiety issues and panic attacks, you could try talking to your doctor about that, but deep breathing and having some item of his that you can hold to calm you may help with that. I am sure that other people will have far better advice to give in regard to that, but all this stems from the shock and stress of loss, so as you gradually come to terms with that, I would hope that this problem will subside a little.

You are not alone here and everyone will recognise the things you describe. One other thing it is good to remember is that you will carry your memories and your love for your dad with you always, so he will never truly be gone from you and it will get easier in days to come to smile at something you know would have amused him or to hear his voice in your head when you are wondering what advice he might have given you about something. He will always be with you in this way, so try to take some comfort in that. My dad died in 1985 and not a day goes by that I don't think if him and miss him.

One day at a time, Janice.  :hug: :hearts:

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Newbie
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2020, 10:40:30 PM »
Losing my dad shattered my world. Has been one hell of a rollercoaster. It's hard but it will get easier to cope, and you're not alone here  :hug:
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx